A Note from Jill Biden

Dear America

Please excuse Joey from the election today. He wanted to come, he really did, but he became grossly incompetent and strange overnight. We had no warning. He didn’t even have a chance to tell you in person so he asked me to write this note. That’s so sad.

Joey sends his best wishes to whoever (is it whomever?) decides to run for… 

(“What was it, Jill? Class president? Well, that’s no big deal. There’s always someone else, usually some babe or jock. I was never a jock, but let me tell you, me and Corn Pop, he was a bad dude… “)

(“I know dear, I know. Calm down. Let me get your special juice.”)

But back to this note.

Bibi Whatshisname is supposed to come by this week. He’s from somewhere, maybe Greece or Argentina. Joey wonders why. Can someone please explain it to him in small words and tell him what he’s supposed to say? And then tell me? Understanding things makes Joey very tired. Sometimes he has to call a lid before lunchtime. That’s sad, too, because Joey loves his lunches.

Joey misses his friends, although no one stops by anymore. Where are all those MSNBC people and their cameras? They always say the nicest things about Joey and they make him feel good and important. Sometimes they even leave money.

Joey loves it when people salute him. Do you suppose you could get a bunch of people to come over and just salute? Saluters, maybe? And maybe some applauders, too? Yes, I suppose a sound track might do. He really wouldn’t know the difference. Ask Spielberg. But I don’t think you can do that with saluters. Well, maybe with Disney but I don’t think there’s enough time today.

Where is that Kamala person these days? 

Joey misses his German Shepherds, too, the ones he had to send to the American Home for Mad Dogs. Could someone from the Secret Service bring some of them by for a play visit one of these days? It would really cheer Joey up to see them run.

Well, gotta go. They’re standing Joey up for photos now and he just smiled. I have to think of smart things to say.

“All the way in 2020!”

Jill Biden (Joey’s wife)