Biden Visits Lahaina
"Oh, you poor Lahainers. (Well, who knows, Jill?) Here's $700 for every single house. Yes, sign up at that table and tell us where to mail it.
"Oh. What? What happened? A fire? Is that what this was? Hot, I bet. And dirty, too. And kinda crunchy. Cap'n Crunch, get it? Are those bones? Where'd the houses go?
"I used to eat Cap'n Crunch when I was growing up here on the island. Big pirate on the box? Parrott? Was there a parrott, Jill? I love parrotts, could talk about them for hours. OK, I'm back. Never left. Before, you know, the big, um, what do they call it? Oh, thanks Jill. Hurricane.
"A few of you walk with me and pretend we're talking. Jill and I gotta be wheels up in two hours. Give my people your particulars and we'll have someone deliver the checks. To where? Where? That's not my problem. See my people. We gotta get back to Lake Tahoe in ninety minutes. No joke.
"On the way to the airport we're going to stop at the FEMA conference in Kaanapali. Costs that agency $1,500 bucks a day and more per person to stay there with all those pools and spas, plus meals! I bet they're good, those meals. No Cap'n Crunch, probably.
"I wonder if I could get a chocolate chip ice cream cone? Hey, you, have one waiting at FEMA. Yeah, I can order things like that. I forgot. Convenient as hell, being president.
"FEMA's only gonna be there a week, though, unless they extend, which I think they are gonna do. They're entitled. Thank God Kaanapali was spared and we can get the hell out of here and, uhhh, oh yeah, that FEMA is still with us. They've got a lot of emergencies to manage. Maybe those Lahainers could volunteer to help 'em, do you think, Jill? Or maybe pay 'em a little?"
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